Dark Shadows : A Flashy Remake of an Old Classic

Thanks to a very nice friend of my father's, I was able to catch an early screening of this film at one of the nicest theaters I ever ate free popcorn in.

When we arrived at the theater the staff was just locking up, and we were let in the side of the building like royalty.  

Inside I saw the poster of the film we were about to see and I had absolutely no clue what it was about (I didn't even notice it was Johnny Depp on the poster in his thick white paint and CGI-assisted youth.)

We sat down and I was informed that it is not uncommon for people to shout, talk, and even make fun of the movie during an employee screener.  This would normally deter most people, but for me I was thrilled, I quipped a few of my own jokes, and felt like Joel Hodgson on the satellite of love. 

My first impression of the film as it began was "ugh more of Johnny Depp acting weird," and when I saw that Tim Burton and Danny Elfman's names scroll by the picturesque opening of the dark forest and tangled trees within it, I settled in for the thoroughly whipped horse to be brought out once more, and beaten pointlessly.

Shortly in though, I had a sort of quiet optimism that this might in fact be funny and interesting, and had to remind myself that Beetlejuice, and Edward Scissorhands are absolute classics, regardless of similar motifs.

Dark Shadows is in the same vein as these Burton classics, as a fish-out-of-water story (which is basically every Tim Burton Movie.)

This time the fish is a vampire, and the water is 1970, where Barnabas Collins (a vampire) is awoken and must make sense of his strange suroundings, with some amusing scenes here and there.

While an 18th century Liverpool-born vampire, with a thick aristocratic accent, being thrust into the age of "hey man" and "far out," may seem like a recipe for hilarity, the joke grows a bit tiresome an hour in.

Dark Shadows was based on a 1970s soap-opera.  My Mother tells me she used to run home to see this dramatized silliness whenever it came on, and I guess it was a big deal at the time. 

When the credits rolled for Dark Shadows, and we were in the lobby everyone agreed that it was a "fun" film, which is just a step above "meh."  The common complaint was that the film seemed to have a great deal of potential to be extremely funny, but held back to push an agenda of drama and action.

And that seemed to be the major problem of Dark Shadows:  It was a film trying to hard to merge genres, and so much of the movie coasted on Depp's charm and Burton's iconic style (which grows less iconic with every gnarled tree and emo-makeup job).

Overall I felt like Dark Shadows was a second-rate Beetlejuice, not to say it wasn't fun, but it left me feeling a bit indifferent to the entire movie.  If you go in with low expectations and just want to see Depp being a bit odd, you will enjoy Dark Shadows, but it just doesn't have the oomph it needs to create any lasting impression. 

6/10