Hello American citizens currently receiving minimum wage! With the recent presidential debates going on, there has been a lot of strange talk about the minimum wage, some wingnuts even want to raise it! Could you believe such a thing? The GOVERNMENT forcing the person who gave YOU a job to lose money? Will this cause your employer to have to close down his shop? Will he be forced to cut your hours or fire you? These are the very real consequences of socialism!
Some lunatics are suggesting even 15$ an hour for all workers who fall under that! 15$! Where is this money going to come from? You guessed it: your tax dollars! They are reaching right into your pocket and your just voting right into their greedy unchristian hands!
You like your computer right? Do you really want to raise taxes on Bill Gates? A man of boundless vision who GAVE you the internet and asked for nothing in return? I didn't think so! But some liberal-psychopaths want to take your internet from you! No thanks, us REAL Americans don't like to be robbed and taken advantage of!
So before you go signing us all up for the apocalypse, here is a short guide I've written up.
Okay, lets break this down! By the end of this guide you will be amazed at just how simple it is to live on a lofty 8.65 an hour! You might even do the real patriotic thing and demand that your congressman or congresswoman removes the minimum wage/evil tax immediately! Set yourself free of those commie chains.
To get things started let's just say you're working a decent 60 hours a week. You should have a totally overkill 515$ by the end of that light week, but unfortunately, your Socialist president is going to have to take a HUGE chunk for himself, so you only get a measly $465! Thanks prez!
Now you take the scraps Obama left you and at the end of the month you have made 1,865.
(Your castle awaits!)
You're going to need a jumping point to start your quest to be rich. But let's keep it simple, until you become a true part of American Excelence, you should chose a humble living quarter. A studio apartment in Wichita Kansas is about 250$ a month (for example).
Now you have 1,600 bucks to play with! I mean, all this noise about minimum wage not being enough and as my math proves above, this is totally bogus! It's truly sad that a few bad apples are creating such a volatile economy.
Ramen noodles are 16cents! My kids love them and they are easy to make on the fly. This means less time cooking and more time looking for that second job! C'mon, you can sleep when your rich!
So a few bucks covers food for a month.
Bmx bikes are both affordable, fun, and great for exercise!
There are certain days when you can get pants for five dollars at a thrift store! Buy two sets of pants and two button-up shirts and don't get them dirty. You might not find cowboy boots and a Coors hat on the first stop, so try a few stores to complete your ensemble.
Okay, now you're all set up. You may think at times that everything is unfair, and somebody should bail you out! That is not what America is about, imagine what your great, great grandfather would say if he knew you were a beggar? Not very good I don't think..
You want to take the remainder of your cash and I recommend investing it in a CD with a maturity date that matches your goal. This will be ideal since you have a low risk tolerance. This will add up quick, netting you dozens of dollars each year! And the best part is you just sit back and count the profits! Now just wait till you are rich, because the more you put in, the more you make! Imagine what your first million will do for you! Provided our 'President' doesn't outlaw the stock-market!
You're gonna make that first million! Doesn't it make more sense to keep the taxes low for the successful so when you get there you wont get screwed over? Besides, successful people pay more Taxes than everyone else! Did you know that? Imagine such a small group of people paying for EVERYTHING! It's through their charity that we have such a nice world to live in!
So now you have some solid tips on how to thrive on minimum wage. You should ask yourself before every purchase, "how does this make me a millionaire?" Is buying mayonnaise going to help you become a millionaire?
In closing, Jeb Bush is the only one truly on your side. He wants you ALL to be millionaires and will make that happen if you are ready to roll up your sleeves. The tiny portion (42%) of this country that makes less than 15 an hour should think of the bigger picture here. He will stop the socialist mafia from taking your job away. He will create a better job for you! With more hours for you to make cashola from and your boss can pay you less so everyone wins! And now your not taxed so much for Obamacare and other wasteful programs, so your making even MORE money! Cah-ching!
I hope I have brought some clarity to your lives. I'll see you on the golf course, I know your all going to make it!